It’s not super realistic for me to idealize the Happy Father’s Day Thank You For Wiping My Bum T-Shirt also I will do this state of being Hard Offline—I am, after all, a web writer with a job I love and a passion for recreational meme making—but I would be lying if I said I didn’t occasionally fantasize about ending my Spectrum internet account, smashing my laptop closed for the last time, moving to a remote and hard-to-access goat farm in the middle of California’s Angeles National Forest, and settling in for a life of tea making and poetry reading. If it sounds like I’m being flippant about the mental-health benefits of leading a less-online existence, let me assure you: I genuinely believe in the brain-resetting power of taking at least occasional breaks from social media. Within my most treasured group chat is one friend who recently deleted Twitter from her phone and another who no longer uses the Stories function of Instagram, and those tiny tweaks to their internet consumption have already apparently made them both happier and calmer.
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I am, unfortunately, Twitter addled enough to resist such measures, but I still applaud Gomez for her measured avoidance of a feature of modern life that can add as much stress as it reduces. (I have to wonder, though: Does she not even bolt upright at 4 a.m. on occasion to Google “weird pain in stomach is it appendicitis am i dying should i go to hospital”? If so, she really is my hero, and I want to spend my life learning from her.) Jack Lowden can still quote exactly how one of his earliest reviews described him. “A perky-nippled Tintin lookalike,” he says, grinning, hands thrust deep into the Happy Father’s Day Thank You For Wiping My Bum T-Shirt also I will do this pockets of the ankle-skimming Armani trousers he’s wearing on the set of his Vogue shoot. He shakes his head ruefully, mock wounded, before adding a quietly emphatic, “Bastards.”
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